Saturday, March 9, 2013

A piece of my mind

Sometimes lyrics are the best way to express feelings. No doubt. When I feel down or stressed up, I'll listen to songs that suits my thought and feelings and play the songs loudly as if I'm telling someone or myself about those lyrics. No words that I can put perfectly to make me think about my life except lyrics but I just have to get the right song and usually, the current hit song at the moment will always be the right song for me and what actually is happening to me. When I'm stressed I would think a lot. Think of the past, present and future. As if my thoughts would change the world. 

When I was feeling heartless lately for some reasons, the song Heartless by Kanye West @ The fray was the best song that made me feel comfortable. As if I'm letting go my heartless feelings by listening to the song. And listening to it loudly actually made me feel that I'm letting go of the stress, one way or another. And the song "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor swift suits the situation for all girls who blame themselves for getting to know a guy. As an escapism from blaming the guys for it. It's like all Taylor Swift songs are just for girls who only blame themselves in failed relationship. And sometimes although I blame the guy for it, I felt like it was my mistake for having the relationship @ friendship (with a guy). 

So I'll listen to Taylor's songs so loud until it would hurt my ear but I don't care anymore. I just wanna release all the stress by doing so. There's no other way for me to release stress except for shopping which I would have to spend money and it will cause more stress and go to the sea to see and feel the peace where I don't even know where to find sea here in Perak. 

Now, I've played  Lovato's Heart Attack for so many times. It's like I'm in the song, trying to explore my own feelings. The lyric "So, I put my defenses up,cuz I don't wanna fall in love, If I ever did that, I think I'd have a heart attack. The feelings got lost in my lungs, the burning I'd rather be numb, and there's no one else to blame.So, scared I take off and I run, I'm flying so close to the sun and I burst into flames" just tells everything about what I'm feeling now. The feeling of not life.. I've always thought that I never wanna be in love but when I am in love, I just feel that I'm the luckiest girl in the whole universe! But after sometime, I'll feel that I don't need love or guy to survive. I can always live my life alone but I know those are just lies I created as a reflex of the situation.

Sometimes when we are in love, every love song seems to fit in the situation but when we just... let say we quarrel..every love song seems to be so irritating and nonsense. I bet everyone experienced that. 

I've always messed up my life. It seems I'm a person to screw everything that started nicely. Was it meant to be that way? Was it my mistake? was it me who caused all chaos in my life? Was it the situation? Or is it just me who are naturally born like that? 

When I felt like the guy was gonna leave me, I dedicated the song "white flag" by Dido to him, for him to listen to it and because , again, it expresses my true feelings of what I wanted to say to him that I couldn't just spit out because of my ego or probably because of not knowing how to put the words so that I won't hurt him. or the worst, I wanna say something that I think he doesn't wanna hear. So songs are just the best medium to connect people or partners. And the best medium to express feelings and release stress.

Just wishing myself all the best in future endeavors.And all of you readers too.

Take care Bloggers. :)

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