A page of my diary-13april2013

Dear fellow bloggers…

For me the best way to settle a problem is to tell a person, or share the problem with them but somehow when we don’t have anyone we can trust to tell the problem or probably the person we trust have his/ her problems then we wouldn’t have the heart to add up to his/her burden , right?

So, other than that, boleh lah pergi shopping, atau nyanyi lagu kuat2 untuk lepaskan that uneasy feeling or maybe blogging.

So I’m just sharing what I feel here. I know people say we should share what makes us happy in our blog but I guess it’s my blog so what’s wrong with sharing my thoughts of the negative or sad phase of my life?

Semalam I ada kat Terengganu, Kemaman to be precise. Ye lah, the trip to Kak huda’s wedding was fun with friends but it seems the leader and the driver made us feel  like the trip was a disaster and the worst part I pity my friends yang datang dari jauh dan tak dapat nak beli barang2 souvenir dari Terengganu pun, the driver buat hal and our leader pulak menyebelahi driver, ape hal tiba2 nak jadi bestfriend driver?  Kesian lah kat classmates, dia pun macam tak boleh nak negotiate pulak ngan driver, instead dia boleh tegaskan ngan kitorang suruh ikut cakap driver that kita tak boleh singgah mana2. I tak tahu lah tapi I heard that the driver and our ‘hopeless’ leader ada plan nak pegi memancing malam tu bertiga je naik bas, and then plan nak pegi kuantan lelaki je, then yang bayar duit minyak diorang tu siapa? Kitorang okay! I can say they were selfish. Tapi takpelah, biar orang buat kita jangan kita buat orang. Sudahnya, the day ended with us feeling not satisfied with the leader and driver. Tapi taknak gaduh punya pasal, kitorang mengalah lah from the start dia buat hal. Sabar je lah.

Then, boleh pulak at the same day ada problem dengan tiket Legoland memang terus rasa tak senang hati seharian sebab yang beli tu dia mengaku dia kawan skolah I tapi masalahnya I tak pernah ingat pun siapa dia. She was being friendly so walaupun I tak kenal dia, entah macam mana dia boleh kenal I, then bila tiket jadi problem, supplier pun kata suruh pulangkan duit, I rasa bersalah sangat. But that friend blamed me pulak siap cursing, pergh! I was like “Nasib baik I tak kenal dia walaupun dia mengaku my friend”. Adoi.. That was a stressful moment okay! But what to do, I just orang tengah, supplier pun ..hmm..Fikir2 macam nak stop je lah Legoland thingy nih. Soon lah! Banyak lagi kerja boleh buat kan.Rezeki ada kat mana2.

Worst come to worst, I argued with him..like AGAIN. Ok, ni cerita personal but I just had to share. Sometimes I don’t know what words I should say, when I think it’s right, he might take it wrongly, kata2 tak boleh tarik balik, once U said it, it’s said! Tapi once people take it to heart, we can’t do anything. I know because I know the feeling lah! I don’t know if that thing is appropriate or not to say to him but when I said, it seemed that he kept quiet that means it was inappropriate but I’ve said it. What to do..

Once,I told myself that I will only let myself to be in love or accept a man when I think the time is right, bila dia kenal I then terus kahwin ngan I. Tak payah nak kenal lama2. Bagus lah kan, bak kata mak, elakkan segala maksiat. So I put a barrier to all guys kecuali berkawan. Seriously KAWAN. But you know, bila dalam berkawan mesti ada yang nak lebih dari kawan. I resisted to that. Halang diri I from lebih dari kawan. I taknak kecewa lagi. That was the reason. I tak nak putus couple or whatsoever tuh semua. For me it’s nonsense. Baik, kenal terus kahwin, kenal lama2 couple pun belum tentu kahwin.

But the journey is not that easy. Once U get to know the person means u accept the fact that U are gonna go through rough patch too. Tak semuanya indah. Semua masalah mematangkan kita. Semua masalah ada jalan penyelesaianya. It’s how we settle the problems that matters.

But once I gave myself a chance for me to love again, I HAD GIVEN MYSELF TO TAKE THE RISK OF BEING HURT OR TO HURT AGAIN. That’s the biggest gamble in relationship. Takkan nak menyesal pulak lepas dah give a chance. Bear with it lah kan Nisa, You chose that way of life. To accept a man, so try to retain the relationship is the best thing to do. I was hoping that he could be the one, I gave him a chance, I gave myself a chance to love him, and now it's our choice to be together or not. As far as I know, he's still my only choice.Selebihnya, I serahkan pada Allah untuk tentukan jodoh. I took this meaningful quote because it is related to my situation.
"No one falls in love by choice, its by chance. No one stays in love by chance, its by work. No one falls out of love by chance, its by choice."

Kadang2 I kena mengalah jugak, sebab most of the time, I appreciate it bila dia mengalah dengan perangai I ni kan. I respect him. But problems do come. I respect it when he could rational me when I’m irrational but when suddenly he sounded like he gave up on me, I feel that something is not right. He’s never been like that. So I think that he’s giving up on me and that actually hurts so bad but truth always hurt. You just have to accept the truth. Takkan you nak teruskan relationship kalau he wants to walk away with no feelings towards you? Keikhlasan dalam perhubungan sangat penting. Kalau dia terpaksa teruskan relationship dengan kita just for the sake of retaining the relationship, takde maknanya hubungan tu. Dua2 kena saling menyayangi.  Jangan kalah dengan masalah. Tuhan takkan beri masalah yang kita tak mampu nak tanggung. Semuanya ada hikmah. Dan kena ingat semua benda berlaku dengan izin Allah.

Everything seemed to happen one whole day. I was hoping that he could make me laugh or smile again after a stressful day. But I tak sampai hati nak bagitau dia what was bothering me since he himself looks tired and I don’t know what the h*ll I was feeling. I wish Allah show me the easy way to life but if it’s always easy then that’s not LIFE .

One thing I know, he has always made me laugh, once we hit the rough patch, we argue, it really affects my whole day. Rasa macam satu hari tu tak bermaknya if we have problems.

That’s all bloggers. Take this as reading a page of my diary lah. Next post in this blog, I’ll try to write when I’m happy only. :)  Assalamualaikum .